This month you, the reader, get a break from Gorman and me sniping at each other in the form of a debate. Our task is something that all veteran golfers should have a closet full of, namely listing our pet golf peeves. Those are the things that “other” people do on the golf course that frost our flakes. We have been asked to list our top 10 peeves. Too bad because my list would go far beyond 10. Not included in my list is; playing golf with Gorman. It’s bad enough to have to work with the guy. He even wants strokes in our debates; People who walk ahead of you while you are trying to hit a shot; Slow play. There’s no reason for it. You can stink up the course in four hours the same as you can in five and on some days it should only take three-and-a-halfhours; People who extract the ball from the cup with their putter; Greens keepers who don’t use the plate when inserting the cup, leaving a raised crown around the hole; People who don’t rake out a bunker and leave you dealing with a million foot prints; The USGA for not having a rule where you get relief from A) a footprint in a bunker and B) a divot in your fairway. That should be deemed ground under repair because it most certainly will be repaired. Those are peeves that didn’t make the top 10 cut. Here’s what did.
10: People who drink on the golf course. They are constantly looking for the cart girl, which I am too, but it’s not to purchase anything.
9: Those who wait until it’s their turn to putt and then survey every inch of ground on the green. One of the biggest reasons why the four hour round is a myth.
8: People who, when you point out that they broke the rules, answer with, “This ain’t the PGA Tour pal.” Hey, the rules are written for everyone, from the beginner to the guy wearing the green jacket.
7: People who start up golf carts when leaving an adjoining green or tee box just as you are putting. What I’d like to say about them cannot be printed here.
6: People who hit your golf ball despite the fact that you have clearly marked it and then deny having done so even though their ball is lying in a bunker. They answer, “No, I hit my ball!” even though five feet away is their piece of junk, with their name and address stamped on the side.
5: Cell Phones on the golf course. It’s okay to have them with you but if you have to carry it at least have it on vibrate. I once played in a foursome where one of my partners talked constantly, until another took his phone and threw it in the lake (really). A fistfight ensued.
4: People who insist on conducting business while playing golf. If you want to talk to somebody in China then do it from an office. Get your damn business deductions somewhere other than my foursome.
3: Those who think you can go to your car after the front nine and change drivers just because the one you’ve been using is producing horrendous shots. Read the rule book pal. I know, this ain’t the PGA Tour, but we are playing a $5.00 Nassau.
2: Those folks who give themselves preferred lies everywhere, get five shots a side and then brag in the 19th hole about how they kicked your rear end. Play it where it lies unless local rules give you preferred lies and that never applies to the ROUGH.
1: Golf carts. Golf was made for walking. Carts are for the infirmed. And truth be told, they actually slow down play, especially when you have to lug half your bag 50 yards across the fairway from where the path is.
Tim Geary is a R.I. based freelance writer. The only thing he hopes upsets other golfers is his great play.WHAT'S YOUR REACTION?